Kids Who Say "Epic" Instead of "Ironic"

Every white kid between the ages of 19 and 22 is using the word 'epic' instead of 'ironic' without a second though. The only thing epic so far about their lives is the inability to retain the simplest principles of appropriate diction between high school english in NOVA and sophomore year in college an hour south. Please give me a haiku for this, Wording Dervish.

Know what's ironic?
Kids who say "epic" instead
Stupid little fucks.

My Clothes Smell Like the Food I Just Ate

For you, M.O.

My dinner was good
No reminder is needed
Buy an exhaust fan.

Car Alarms are Pointless

This one's for me. Damn car alarms do nothing but wake me up.

What's with car alarms?
They go off and no one looks
What's the fucking point?

People Who Dress Inappropriately for the Weather

Your haiku, FD...

It's really cold out
But you're in shorts and flip flops
I think you're stupid

People Who Force Sweets on Coworkers at the Holidays

For you Anonymous...

There sits a guy in the next cubby
He's trying to make us all chubby
He brings in his treats
To enlarge ass and teets
I shall beat his sweet head with a clubby.

Being Given a Design Job That Someone Else Started

Here's the exact request...
ok, so when i have to work off of someone elses InDesign file I am expected to continue working with the file that THEY created. nine times out of ten, the way they set up their file is wack/wrong/stupid/plain dumb. it's like no one has every taught these "designers" how to use the tools they need to know correctly. and most of the time, they've been designing longer then me. wtf? so here i am, trying to dissect/decipher this monster of a file and taking up more time. and so my boss man (or woman, if need be) is waiting for me to finish and thinking, "man, this new guy SUCKS! what is taking him so long?"

Your haiku, M.O.

Your file is done wrong
May as well start this from scratch
I hate this damn job.

I Hate Wimpy Handshakes

Here's your limerick TNT...

There once was a man that I met
Shaking his hand, I still regret
It felt lifeless and puny
Something cartoony
Like a fish that flopped out of a net.

Cold in the Winter (vs. cold in the summer)

For JP...

It's cold as shit man
Witch's titties kind of cold
Key West's soundin' good.

People Who Say Nuther Instead of Other or Another

For my friend Tim...

Use your syllables
The word is "a-noth-er" dude
"Nuther" burns me up.

People Who Put Pics of Themselves with Their Lame Boyfriends as FaceBook Profile Pic

This haiku is for Dr. J...

Don't you have pictures
Of your foxy self...alone?
Your boyfriend is lame