Thursday, June 25, 2009

People Who Say Expresso and Excape

I don't know why it irks me, but it does. Why do people say "expresso" instead of "espresso?" I even see signs that say it wrong. And excape? Really?

Espresso escape
There is no X in either
Express correctly.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Peopled Who Use "Impact" Instead of "Affect"

My pet peeve is bad grammar. I especially hate it when people use the noun 'impact' as a verb. Whatever happened to affect?

It seems language is now infected
The verb impact I have rejected
Did you flunk English lit
You illiterate twit
It's the wrong word you have selected.

Why Do People Say Ax Instead of Ask?

I hate when people say "ax" for "ask." I'm still trying to figure that one out because I've heard "educated" people say it...

You say ax not ask
Put the s before the k
Why can't you say it?

People Who Chew Their Gum Loudly

People who chew their gum loudly with all kinds of snap, crackle and pop (absolutely drives me nuts!!!)

Snap crackle and pop
Your chewing drives me insane

Friday, June 19, 2009

Young Women Who Dress the Same in Groups

my peeve: when i go out (to the mall, movies, grocery store, park, etc.) and i see girls my age that are dressed the same and walking around together... come on girls! we are not in middle school anymore! hehe...

Jeans or skirt tonight?
I'll do what you do, girlfriend
Who's the president?

Having To Wash Hands in Restroom When Not Needed

It peeves me when I'm taking a pee next to a co-worker and we both feel inclined to wash our hands when we're finished — even though i do the elbow flush and paper towel door open. Most perfect the art of not touching anything in the restroom to pee at a young age and this fake gesture of cleanliness I do find absurd. - A limerick for you G.G. on one of the strangest topics yet.

I can pee, nothing touched, as it stands
Easy to do without using hands
But I visit the sink
So no one makes a stink
Every time I visit the can.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

People Who Read A Newspaper Article to Me

When people read a newspaper article out loud to me before I get a chance to see it for myself.

Your reading irks me
Premature recitation
Guess I'll watch TV

People Who Chew With Their Mouth Open

People who chew with their mouths open. (Apparently, this is a popular subject this week. Here's another one.)

There once was a girl who was chatty
When she spoke we'd see food that was fatty
We found her disgusting
For her no one was lusting
I'd tell her myself but I'm catty.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Pants with Writing on the Butt is Not Attractive

Hmmm. . . this may not exactly be a pet peeve, but I find shorts/sweatpants with large writing (particularly "JUICY") on the butt the ultimate fashion don't. Sure thing, LF...

I see it everywhere that I look
I'm not sure how such a thing took
Those words on your rump
Make you look like a chump
If I want to read I'll grab me a book

People Who Say You'uns As the Plural of You

The use of you'uns for the plural form of you.
A haiku for you, RG...

Podunk town or not
No one should say you'uns man
I'uns think you're dumb

Why Don't People Know How to Use an Apostrophe?

Misplaced/misused apostrophes - mostly the your/you're mistake but also when using them to pluralize a noun. - JH

It's not needed before every "s"
There are rules, don't just use your best guess
There are lots of resources
If you failed all your courses
Your ignorance causes me stress

People Who Chew Gum With Their Mouth Open

People who insist on letting me see the gum in their mouths as they're chewing it. I'd just as soon not see that their jaws are moving, but to see the gum really trips something in me. A limerick please.

In your spit I can see your gum stewing
Mouth open, I'm practically spewing
You're acting so piggly
Close lips with your Wrigley
Please learn lesson one of gum chewing.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I Hate Hiccups

Hiccups! Why o why must I be reminded that I didn't eat or drink properly? They are so annoying. Even if I find the remedy, they're still lingering for the next wave.

At least belches pass
Hiccups linger and frustrate
Kind of funny though

People Who Say "Less" Instead of "Fewer"

My pet peeve—and I must be very old-fashioned, because it happens more often than not—is people saying “less” instead of “fewer” when referring to discrete items. I’ve even heard an NPR newscast say “…less soldiers in Iraq.” ARGGHHH!!! - KC
KC - I share that peeve with you. Here you go...

You speak, my ears bleed
Say fewer, not less, sound good?
How'd you get your job?

Monday, June 15, 2009

People Who Talk with Their Mouth Full of Food

How about people who stuff their mouths full of food and still keep talking? Yuch! For you, L.R.

Asparagus, yes?
I don't want to see that shit
Swallow, then talk. Kay?

I Don't Like Non-Compact Cars Parked in Compact Spaces.

i do not appreciate people with non-compact cars parking in compact spaces. thank you.

You're in the wrong spot
Your car, like your ass, is large
Park where you belong

I Hate When People Forward Emails Without Checking Validity

I'm annoyed by people who blast out emails without checking the facts first. True, I've been guilty once, but a dear friend enlightened me to Now, I'm either the one who "breaks the chain" or tries to politely tell them to GET THEIR FACTS STRAIGHT FIRST. L.P.

I hear ya on that one, L.P.

You forward emails
Trigger happy and naive
Check snopes. True? Then send.

Don't Ask Me to Join Your Facebook Cause/Group/Page

I hate constant requests for endorsement of things that you're only marginally aware of, like Facebook Causes you're really not into or crappy band pages or amateur photography pages, etc. A haiku please. TI

It's your cause, not mine
I have a few of my own
Want to join mine...hmmm?

When I Ask How Your Weekend Was, Be Brief.

Hello there - A limerick would be apropos. If I ask you how your weekend was, I'm usually looking for an abbreviated version - I'm being nice. If you insist on telling me about each of your personal triumphs: consider returning the greeting! -signed S

If I ask if your weekend was good
Keep it short, as the rest of us would
Your details just bore me
If I did that, you'd abhor me
You think I care? You misunderstood.

Service & Delivery People Who Don't Show Up

What I hate: Having to stay home for service and delivery people who schedule an arrival time that spans many hours. Example: "The service technician will be at your home between 10 am and 3 pm." What I love: Limericks

There once was a man who fixed cable
"He'll come by three," oh that was a fable
I took off from work
You lumbering jerk
Your legs I would gladly disable

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Girls Who Wear Uggs in the Summer

Girls who wear Uggs in the summertime (or when there is no snow in the forecast). **shudder**

Ugly in winter
But plain stupid in summer
Swimsuit in the snow?

People In Express Line With Too Many Items

Will you write about people who get in express check out lines with way too many items?
Cheers, Ron. For you, Ron...

This here is a lane for express
The sign says ten items or less
But you have far more
You greedy line whore
You can count, go on and confess.

You Say "Can We Fix This?" But You Mean Me. Say "You."

I hate when people say, "Can we do this," or "Can we fix this..." You and I aren't fixing anything. I'm the one that's fixing it. So..just say...can YOU fix it? Thanks, CLC

We can do that for ya, CLC!

You try to sound nice
But no, you're condescending
Why don't you bite us?

I Hate Car Alarms. We Must Do Away With Them.

Wording Dervish, one of my biggest peeves is car alarms. When an alarm goes off, no one, absolutely no one thinks, "oh my! that car is being stolen. we must call the cops." They are annoying and should be banned. A haiku please. - K

Sure thing, K.

Like a goose, it honks
Awake now, we roll our eyes
It serves no purpose.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

People Who Say "Tee Hee" When Things Are Funny

Wording Dervish, I can't stand when people add a comment or respond to anything they believe to be funny and follow it with the absurd, sophomoric and utterly stupid "tee hee." A haiku please - Poo Poo on Tee Hee

For you Poo Poo,

Just knock that shit off
Your damn "tee hee" to show glee
What are you, like nine?

Monday, June 8, 2009

Coatless Women in Cold Weather

Dear Dervish, it makes me crazy when I see young women out at night when it's cold but they won't wear a coat lest men think they're not sexy. I worry for them and their future offspring.

You think you're sexy
Bare arms in January
You're not. You're stupid.