Friday, July 31, 2009

People Who Say They'll Do Something, Then Don't

I know some people who, instead of just being honest up front, tell you they'll go somewhere with you or they'll do something with/for you, but they have no intention of doing so. What's their problem?

Just tell me you can't
Do you think I won't survive?
Passive aggression

People Who Don't Send Thank You Cards

Wording Dervish, why do some people think it's acceptable to not send a thank you note when they receive a gift from someone? It's just wrong. A haiku please.

A thanks would be nice
I know what your next gift is
Thank you cards. Booyah!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

People Who Drive Slow in the Fast Lane

People who drive slow in the fast lane. -S.M.

Move over so we can pass you
Behind you, we taunt and harass you
You're clueless and slow
We've somewhere to go
In thinking, my dog can surpass you

People who Patronize the Elderly

When twenty-somethings patronize the elderly with comments like, "Aren't you cute!" and "Good job, sweetie!"

Do not patronize
Everyone deserves respect
Old people can punch

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Words With a Silent P Sound

Words that/which (you choose and let me know why!) begin with a silent "P": Psychiatry, psaltery and psalm give me an itch only your limerick can scratch. - B

Dear B, I'd say "that" because the h in "which" is silent and I don't want to send you into a tizzy. Here you go...

There's a P in some words you can't hear
This consonant will just disappear
Like in psalm and psyche
But not the word spiky
Whoever wrote these loved their beer

Drivers Who Don't Yield

My pet peeve is people who ignore yield signs while driving. Are they stupid? Illiterate? Rude? I don't get it. I don't care if you write a haiku or a limerick, but please soothe my anger.

You just passed a sign that said Yield
It's in plain view, not concealed
I'd like to not die
As you rudely drive by
My road should not be a mine field.

People Who Don't Pick Up After Their Dog

Dervish, why do people think it's ok to let their dogs poo willy nilly and not pick up after them? Would they like me to poo in their yard? I think not. A haiku please.

I keep my lawn nice
And don't poop in your front yard
Pick it up, moron

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Why Don't Others See That My Dogs is Best?

Dear Dervish, I have, by any objective standard, one of the world's most comic and charming dogs. My peeve is this: Why is this not obvious to everyone else?

Anyone should see
My dog is superior
Kids? Why do you ask?

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Parents Who Bring Kids to Inappropriate Movies

Parents who bring their toddlers to in-theatre movies riddled with sex and profanity rather than sacrifice the popcorn money and get a sitter? C.L.

Sitter cost too much?
Tickets and popcorn paid for
You should not have spawned

Toothpickers Who Redeposit Their Find

People who upon completion of a meal pick their teeth, find some debris and put it back in their mouths. This is truly disgusting. Really. Stop. - A.B.

I saw what you found in your tooth
Picking teeth is truly uncouth
Then you swallowed your find
What is wrong with your mind
I'll now move to another booth.

People With Stupid Quotations Under Their Email Signatures

People who add dumbass "share thoughts" to their e-mail autosignatures.
There are very few such thoughts out there that will please everyone and chances are those who use them are not savvy enough to get that. This leaves the typical "Smile, it makes people wonder what you've been doing" offerings. They should be burnt offerings. Boo hiss.

Your sigs disturb me
"Smile, it makes people wonder"
Delete these due haste

Monday, July 13, 2009

People Who Bring Their Babies To Listening Rooms

Wording Dervish, we went to a coffee shop "listening room" the other night to hear a singer/songwriter. Someone brought their newborn who did what newborns are expected to do - cry. Who would do that? A haiku please.

You are bad parents
There were songs we did not hear
We pity that child

Sunday, July 12, 2009

People Who Litter

People who litter! I live in a condominium complex, and someone throws out the detritus of their McDonald’s meal at least once a week, right on the entrance road. There is usually a soda or beer can, too. So what’s the story here?? Their spouse doesn’t know they eat at Micky D’s? They don’t own a trash can? I’m getting tired of picking up after them!

You litter weekly
Mickey D's trash mars the road
Fast food rots the brain

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Mispronunciation of Realtor

One of my pet peeves is when people mispronounce "realty" and "realtor"--adding that extra syllable that doesn't exist drives me nuts! It's real-tee and real-tor folks, aarrgg. Help me Wording Dervish!

Real-a-tor isn't a word, you know
Your pronunciation sure blows
You say ath-a-lete too
And I think less of you
To extra syllables, just say no.

Friday, July 10, 2009

The Overuse of the Word "Absolutely"

i hate the over use of the word absolutely, using that word does not make you seem smarter

You think you sound smart
Does it make me hate your guts?
Absolutely dude


I hate them. Give me a limerick.

There are those who breathe with mouth open
Oh please shut it, that's what I am hopin
Sounds like Garrison Keillor
You need some lip sealer
Shut it or I'll shove cantaloupe in

People Who Pronounce it "Betch"

You pronounce it "bitch"
I betch you think you sound cool
You are mistaken

People Who Drive in the Shoulder And Cut into Lanes

After traveling to NY recently I have been most peeved by people who try to cut ahead of traffic jams by driving on the shoulder! Where are the cops when you need them? And who are the idiots who let them back in after they skip ahead? Not I, not I, I say.

No one likes traffic
But we don't use the shoulder
Cause we're not assholes

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

People Who Can't Put Things in the Trash Can

Certain people (men) in my life seem incapable of putting their trash inside of a trash can. They put it on the floor, the counter, the bed, etc. It's really peeving me. A limerick please.

All around the trash can, your litter
This habit is making me bitter
Put trash in the bucket
Or I’ll leave and say fuck it
If I slip on one more slimy corn fritter

Monday, July 6, 2009

People Who Use Twitter

My biggest pet peeve at the moment is Twitter. I hate people that use it. You are hardly important enough to use these useless piece of technology. You are not a celebrity, nor a business with anything to advertise (and most times not used correctly--it's called "techno ecstasy," look it up). Therefore, I could care less if you waiting in line at Subway for a BMT, hold the mayo, or shopping for tights at "Forever 21."

There are lots of morons who tweet
On Twitter, they don't miss a beat
I don't give a rat's ass
'Bout every thought that they pass
Here's my thought, come suck on my teet

Thursday, July 2, 2009

People Who Describe People By Color, Religion, etc.

Dervish, I hate it when people describe someone and say "this black guy" or "this Indian lady," etc. when that description has nothing to do with what they're talking about.

Don't tell me he's black
You just sound like a racist
Um, because you are