Saturday, February 20, 2010

The Misuse of Good and Well

It drives me crazy when people use "good" where they ought to use "well" and it subsequently angers the perpetrator when I correct them out of habit. Please send me a haiku/limerick that will make the lesson stick! Thanks! -EE

You do things "well," and you may have a "good" heart
Learn when to use these words - now's the time to start
A dictionary will help
Constant misuse makes me yelp
You say it wrong often, so it's no brain fart.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Older Men Who Call Me Ma'am

I can not STAND men who are obviously much older than I am who call me "ma'am." C.M.

I'm sure that you think you're just being polite
But calling me "ma'am" makes me really uptight
I'm blown out of the water
'Cause I could be your daughter
Do you call young boys "sir?" See how it ain't right?

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I Can't Have Access to Hot Male Skaters I Watch on TV

Pet peeve challenge. Hot male skaters with amazing bodies on my TV that I can't have access to. M.B.

You put the "figure" in figure skating
Oh, bulging tights, I'm ready and waiting
I drool as you glide
Your package can't hide
I watch you and pretend that we're dating

People Who Are Too Lazy to Return the Shopping Cart

oh wording dervish, how I dislike those who are just too exhausted (lazy) to wheel their grocery cart back to the stall and instead, leave it rolling aimlessly in the parking lot. H.R.M.

You've shopped to be sure your pantry is stocked
Abandoned cart rolls, my parking spot's blocked
Few steps to return it
That fat, you could burn it
Lazy and thoughtless, your actions half-cocked

People Who Hog the Weight Machine

People who finish their weight sets yet still hang out on the weight machines at the gym, chewing the fat with the idiot sitting next to them and ignoring requests to move. L.F.

You chew the fat while I wait to lose it
Hogging the weights, though you've seen me choose it
This ain't your personal gym
Move, so others can get slim
Stay put, warthog, and your face, I'll bruise it

Monday, February 15, 2010

People Who Don't Spay or Neuter Their Pet

I don't understand people who have a dog or a cat and they let them have pups/kittens when the shelters are overrun with animals that can't find homes. It's cruel and stupid.

Dogs would wear condoms
If dog condoms existed
Dogs are smart, you're not.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Fools Who Make Illegal Left Turns

What's with all the jackasses who insist on making an illegal left turns? Why don't the see the sign or pay attention to the 5 cars behind them blowing their horns?

Are you oblivious, or don't our rules apply?
When you turn left, you could get blindsided and die
I'm not saying I wish it
You don't want it? Don't dish it
If I were a cop, I'd taunt you and make you cry