A Really Slow Grocery Checkout Person

when there is only one lane open at Martin's and Dorothy is the checker. - K.H.

I just want to check out and be on my way
But I see there's just one line open today
And glory be
It's Dorothy
So slow, when I leave, fifty more strands of gray.

Paying High Costs for a Chipped Tooth

I respectfully request a limerick about chipped teeth and the exorbitant costs of dental work. -MS

I chipped a tooth and now I must pay out the nose
So half my face suffers and man that really blows
I'll have to rob a bank
Or sell a load of crank
I'll be paying the bill til I wear support hose

Blabbers on Airplanes

There's one on every flight. He or she yaks the entire time at full volume as if anyone cares what he/she is saying. Only once have I heard someone yell for them to shut up. -DW

You have yakked non-stop throughout the entire flight
If I whacked your head...you'd hear screams of delight
We're searching for lip glue
The passengers hate you
We suffer in silence because we're polite

Double-u Double-u Double-u

Peeve: those who say "www" before the web address. -C.W.

It's the world wide web
No need to say it each time
We know what it is

People Who Ask "Can I Ask You a Question?"

Why oh why do people start out saying, "Can I ask you a question?" I feel like responding, "You just did, so now you don't get two." -J.D.

You asked if you could ask me a question
But you just did, so I have a suggestion
Think before you speak
Keep your tongue in cheek
Before flapping it about in a verbal transgression

People Who Insist on Telling Me I Could Get Bitten by a Shark

I swim in open waters regularly - day swims and night swims. Why are people compelled to tell me to watch out for sharks? They insist on letting me know that sharks could get me, like this hasn't crossed my mind. Tell them to just shut up! - P.O.

I enjoy a swim in the ocean at night
You don't need to tell me that a shark might bite
Know what else just might happen?
A meteor as you're nappin
The large mouth I fear is yours...keep it shut tight

Those Who Write on Restroom Stalls but Can't Spell

Please comment on people who write on restroom stalls but don't know how to spell. -C.R.

You took the time to deface the wall
Writing garbage all over the stall
While moving your bowels
You dropped a few vowels
Your spelling sure stinks, way up the hall

People Who Say "Brain Fart"

People who say they had a "Brain Fart." Arghhh, I can barely stand to type that! Make it short please. -J.R.

When I hear "brain fart"
I cringe and then I wonder
Does your brain poop too?

People Who Say Nuke-q-lar

WHY do people pronounce the word "nuclear" as "nuke-q-lar" seriously, what is that? -MS

Nuclear has the sound "lee" in the middle
When you say it wrong I hate you a little
You sound like W Bush
Who don't know his nose from his tush
Sounds as bad as me practicing the fiddle

Young People Who Say "Back in the Day"

And how about the 20 year-olds who say "back in the day" like they're OLD enough to have one? -NGW

You're twenty years old, yet say "back in the day"
Like when Justin Timberlake started to play?
Hon, you haven't a clue
I have shoes older than you
'Til you're as old as me, that shit just don't play.