People Who Say "Passed Away" Instead of Died

Wording Dervish, my peeve is people who use euphemisms like "passed" or "passed away" when someone died. Why is "died" such an offensive word?

KP. Here is your haiku.

Gas passes. Folks die.
Saying "passed" won't bring them back.
They're dead now. Face it.

People Who Drive Huge Vehicles

People who "drive" giganormous SUVS and trucks....
Makes me nuts when people who cannot peer over the dash or gauge any distance whatsoever drive at perilously slow or fast speeds, ooze in and out of tight parking spots, straddle lane lines, and inch into intersections. would the wording dirvish spin a little something to soothe my soul?

Surely, LF...

I think you're a fool
to drive that honkin big truck
How small is your dick?

Public Nose Pickers Are Disgusting

PEOPLE WHO PICK THEIR NOSES UNABASHEDLY IN PUBLIC. on the flight from richmond to dallas, there was a man sitting diagonally in front of me who sat reading his paper and picking his nose enthusiastically and then compulsively rubbing his fingers together for moments at i time. i was so horrified and kept looking away, but my eyes were drawn back to him over and over, because i just couldn't believe it was happening. jesus!

OK, MS. You didn't specify haiku or limerick so I'll pick. Ouch. Bad word choice.

You're the man on the plane that I caught
Picking your nose, you disgust me a lot
No one else fidgets
Green goo 'tween their digits
You think it's cool, but it'snot.

Conceited Entitled Grad Students

Dear Wording Dervish:
Would you please write a haiku about conceited, entitled grad students? I want to smack them upside the head sometimes.

This is for you, Anonymous...

Step off your throne, twirp
I have the degree you seek
Smack, upside the head

This is not a pet peeve. But the Wording Dervish shall make an exception. Garbage men are heroic for taking away all of our undesirables in the snowdrifts and sweltering days.
Plus they are totally ripped. As in hot.

They take away trash
No matter rain or snowstorm
Throw me in the truck.

Pregnancy peeve

dear wording dervish, i have hot dog fingers and no warm weather maternity clothes, and my pod is as hot, humid and stinky as paris hilton's vajay. save me with your well-articulated humor and wit! - fatty mc fat fat

There once was a woman with child
She felt that her garb was unstyled
Her office was hot
And she felt she was not
But around her we all were beguiled

Don't Say "Cheers" Instead of "Thanks" or "Bye!"

This haiku is for you J...

Why do you say cheers?
"Goodbye" or "thanks" dude, say it.
You think you're British?

People Who Chew with their Mouth Open

Wording Dervish, I hate the sounds people make when they chew with their mouth open. It turns my stomach, a more repulsive sound cannot be found. - R

Do you not hear it?
Close your mouth when you're chewing
I want to puke now.

Let Me Finish a Damn Sentence

For you RTC...

You think you know what I'll say
But impatience is all you display
Let me finish my sentence
You're due for repentance
Is it rudeness or naivete?

Young Men Who Flirt with Older Women

Please create a limerick for me about young men who flirt with older women with no intention of dating them, but just to test out their manhood instead.

A limerick for you Anonymous...

I know a young man who's a flirt
I'm older, but not a pervert
To him it's a game
To tease the heart of this dame
I shall eat him tonight for dessert