Wording Dervish on Vacation

On November 10th
The Wording Dervish returns
Save up those pet peeves

Emails That Haven't Been Proofed

Dear Wording Dervish, my pet peeve is the email with grammar and punctuation errors. Just because the email is an informal form of communication does not mean that we shouldn't proofread.

I know this comment might sound aloof
But in your emails, you sound like a goof
Double checking's normal
Even when informal
I'd appreciate it if you'd proof

Pedestrians Who Ignore the Street LIght

I hate it when Harvard Square pedestrians walk against the light, as if they're in downtown Mayberry.

I see people cross Harvard Square
Not minding the light, unaware
One day you'll get hit
I won't cry a bit
If you weren't so stupid, I'd care

Those Who Won't Learn New Technology

Those who don't bother to learn new technology and constantly bug those of us who do!

When you bug me about computers
My brain feels accosted by looters
I'd be so impressed
If you'd stay abreast
Otherwise, be a waitress at Hooters

People Who Lick Their Fingers to Thumb Thru Papers

I hate it when people complain about germs, bitch about how scared they are of the swine flu, insist on using hand sanitizer all the time, but somehow forget how unsanitary it is to LICK THEIR FINGERS to thumb through papers. I can't stand that crap! WHEN YOU DO THIS IT IS LIKE YOU ARE LICKING MY PAPERS! STOP IT!!

It's crucial to be sanitary
To avoid the germs that things carry
Yet you lick your thumb
Turning pages...dumb
You think you're prudent, but I'm wary

Fire Lane Blockers

I hate people who park in the fire lane at grocery stores and wait a half hour - 45 minutes for someone to do all the shopping while they sit in the car. "Fire Lane - No Parking" means FIRE LANE!!! NO PARKING!!!!!

What happens if there is a fire?
Hey, lane blocker, things could get dire
Rules apply to you too
Though you don't think they do
A sharp nail was just kicked by your tire

People Who Honk Car Horns for No Good Reason

Why do people honk their horn in traffic when the people they're honking at can't move because of traffic? It's very obnoxious and it tells me a lot about them. -F.D.

Like a goose you honk
As though it will do some good
It won't, you nimrod.

People Who Drive Hummers

Every time I see someone driving a Hummer I wonder how they think that's cool.

I think less of you driving that Hummer
Those who don't conserve are a bummer
Overcompensation
Metal augmentation
Compared to most, I'd say you're dumber

Skaters Who Bend Forward with Hands Clasped Behind Them

It bugs me to see people skating bent forward at the waist with their hands held behind their backs. It's just too Hans Christian Andersen. - KP

I'm perplexed by the way that you skate
And relieved that you are not my date
You look a fairy
Tail, light and airy
I crack up as you do figure eight

People Who "Friend" You to Get Your Business

people who try to friend you on Facebook or Linkedin so they can get business from you. JC

You friend me on Facebook and LinkedIn
This method has begun to wear thin
What you sell, I'll buy
When pigs start to fly
Sleazy motives get under my skin