Service & Delivery People Who Don't Show Up

What I hate: Having to stay home for service and delivery people who schedule an arrival time that spans many hours. Example: "The service technician will be at your home between 10 am and 3 pm." What I love: Limericks

There once was a man who fixed cable
"He'll come by three," oh that was a fable
I took off from work
You lumbering jerk
Your legs I would gladly disable

Girls Who Wear Uggs in the Summer

Girls who wear Uggs in the summertime (or when there is no snow in the forecast). **shudder**

Ugly in winter
But plain stupid in summer
Swimsuit in the snow?

People In Express Line With Too Many Items

Will you write about people who get in express check out lines with way too many items?
Cheers, Ron. For you, Ron...

This here is a lane for express
The sign says ten items or less
But you have far more
You greedy line whore
You can count, go on and confess.

You Say "Can We Fix This?" But You Mean Me. Say "You."

I hate when people say, "Can we do this," or "Can we fix this..." You and I aren't fixing anything. I'm the one that's fixing it. So..just say...can YOU fix it? Thanks, CLC

We can do that for ya, CLC!

You try to sound nice
But no, you're condescending
Why don't you bite us?

I Hate Car Alarms. We Must Do Away With Them.

Wording Dervish, one of my biggest peeves is car alarms. When an alarm goes off, no one, absolutely no one thinks, "oh my! that car is being stolen. we must call the cops." They are annoying and should be banned. A haiku please. - K

Sure thing, K.

Like a goose, it honks
Awake now, we roll our eyes
It serves no purpose.

People Who Say "Tee Hee" When Things Are Funny

Wording Dervish, I can't stand when people add a comment or respond to anything they believe to be funny and follow it with the absurd, sophomoric and utterly stupid "tee hee." A haiku please - Poo Poo on Tee Hee

For you Poo Poo,

Just knock that shit off
Your damn "tee hee" to show glee
What are you, like nine?

Coatless Women in Cold Weather

Dear Dervish, it makes me crazy when I see young women out at night when it's cold but they won't wear a coat lest men think they're not sexy. I worry for them and their future offspring.

You think you're sexy
Bare arms in January
You're not. You're stupid.

American Idol is Over. What to do Now?

Tuesdays and Wednesdays
No life, we followed like sheep
Now we are idle.

People Who Spread Germs in Public

Dear Dervish, I hate when people cough or sneeze into their hands in public, and then immediately touch something that other people necessarily have to touch, like a door handle, a railing, or one of those support poles on the Metro. We all saw what you just did and we're not only disgusted by you, but you've effed with our day, because now we have to make the choice between bracing ourselves on the moving train or catching whatever swine flu you're passing around. Thanks. In lieu of a bottle of Purell, can I get a haiku or limerick?

I once saw man who spread spittle
Sneezed in his hand, I'm not talkin a little
Spread his germs on the railing
Someone soon will be ailing
Screw you and your germy transmittal.

People Who Don't Knock & Barge Into Bathrooms, etc.

I hate it when people don't knock on public bathroom or fitting room doors. They just barge in, when the lock doesn't work. Doesn't anyone knock anymore? - DK

I hate that too, DK. Here ya go...

You should have knocked, fool
Locks don't always work you know
Who's embarrassed now?