Books That are Not Returned

Why do people think they don't have to return a book they have borrowed? I love my books and I'm willing to share but I do want them back. Thanks. -LMC

I lent you a book but I never got it back
I've kept my mouth shut and cut you lots of slack
I should have charged late fees
Or held on to your keys
I thought you were gracious, but you're really a sad sack.

Using the Word "is" Twice in a Row

I can’t stand when people use the word “is” twice, in phrases like” “the problem is, is that…” and “the truth is, is that…” How does that even SOUND correct to people who say is? You just SAID that word, why are you saying it twice?? Ugh. - D.W.

The problem is, is that you've said "is" twice
Forgive me if this comment doesn't sound nice
But one is is enough
This rule isn't that tough
Unless you stutter, one is will suffice

Phone Callers Who Don't Identify Themselves

Telephone callers who don't identify themselves. Many telephone callers don't identify themselves and expect, (i) that the recipient enjoys Caller ID, or (ii) the recipient to recognize their voice (a sign of egocentrism if ever there was one). Please write a snappy haiku I can use to respond with.

Introduce yourself
You know I can't see you, right?
It's a freaking phone!

When Cabbies Drive Slowly, Even With No Fare

When cabbies drive slowly, even when they don't have a fare in the car!! - K.H.

The cabbie takes the longest route from here to there
He wrongly thinks that I must have some cash to spare
I see what you're about
Taking the slowest route
When you do it with no rider, that's no fare!

When People Say Friggin or Freaking Instead of Fuck

When adults use 'friggin' or 'freaking' instead of 'fuck.' That may just be me, though. -C.H.


When you say friggin or freaking, we know what you mean
But you're an adult, don't fucking talk like a teen
No friggin or frick
Cut the Bolshevik
These silly substitute words, I find more obscene

People Walking in Groups & All on the Phone

Students walking in groups of five or more, each one talking on his/her cell phone instead of to each other. -K.H.

A group of friends walk together down the street
They're all talking on phones, or posting a tweet
Talking face to face
Just doesn't take place
"Love the one you're with" ain't on their song sheet

You Help People but They Don't Help You

Going out of your way for ppl all the time, then when you're I need, no one comes to your rescue. Grrrr. -K.K.

You need help? I'm there.
I can't say the same of you
Actually, you suck

People Who Write on the Miniscule Dirt on my Car

people who writ s@*t on my car whenever it gets even the tiniest bit dusty!! My car is NOT YOUR canvas... D.T.

A light layer of dust has covered my car
Your finger wrote through it, who do you think you are?
I don't pee on your house
And won't lick your spouse
Do it again and I'll kick you to Qatar

People Who Downplay Their Comment with "I'm Just Sayin"

This may not have attained the status of a true pet peeve, but it is starting to get on my nerves. A woman (I haven't seen a man do it yet) will express an opinion and then add, "just sayin..." as if she's not really claiming her own opinion. Hey, I'm just sayin... -K.P.

Hey, I'm just sayin'
Own your thought or opinion
Otherwise, zip it.

Upstairs Neighbors Who Walk Too Loudly

Neighbors above you who pound the ground with their heels every time they walk or go up their stairs. -N.K.

Upstairs lives a noisy group of guys
Every step they take makes us despise
Our pleas, ignored
Revenge full board
We've just bought cable cutting supplies