Persistent Snow, Sleet, Rain and Ice

My pet peeve is persistent snow, sleet, rain, ice. A haiku please.

Cold, snow, sleet, rain, ice
Everyone is a snowman
Abominable

Phone Callers Who Don't Identify Themselves

Telephone callers who don't identify themselves. Many telephone callers don't identify themselves and expect, (i) that the recipient enjoys Caller ID, or (ii) the recipient to recognize their voice (a sign of egocentrism if ever there was one). Please write a snappy haiku I can use to respond with.

Introduce yourself
You know I can't see you, right?
It's a freaking phone!

You Help People but They Don't Help You

Going out of your way for ppl all the time, then when you're I need, no one comes to your rescue. Grrrr. -K.K.

You need help? I'm there.
I can't say the same of you
Actually, you suck

People Who Downplay Their Comment with "I'm Just Sayin"

This may not have attained the status of a true pet peeve, but it is starting to get on my nerves. A woman (I haven't seen a man do it yet) will express an opinion and then add, "just sayin..." as if she's not really claiming her own opinion. Hey, I'm just sayin... -K.P.

Hey, I'm just sayin'
Own your thought or opinion
Otherwise, zip it.

Double-u Double-u Double-u

Peeve: those who say "www" before the web address. -C.W.

It's the world wide web
No need to say it each time
We know what it is

Yard Sale Signs That Stay Up Forever

People who don't remove yard sale signs after they have had their yard sales--they sit there for weeks and months afterward, pathetically, taped or stapled to street signs and telephone poles.

Your yard sale's over
Environmental moron
Take your damn signs down

People Who Watch Fox News Like It's the Media Bible

People who watch Fox news like it's the media bible. -J.C

Yes, Fox news is right
Far right. And usually wrong.
Did I blow your mind?

Leaving Cupboard Doors Open

When people (usually family members) leave cupboard doors open. - J.C.

Open cupboard door
It swings the other way too
Just like my right hook

Guests Who Want You to Wait on Them

Houseguests (in-laws) that make you feel like you're running a bed and breakfast cum chauffeur service (maybe a little restaurant too....) - L.F.

I'm happy you're here
But I'm not your freaking slave
Next time, Motel 6

When People Leave Without Saying Goodbye

When people (friends?) leave a social function without saying goodbye (and without saying thank you to organizers or people who drove a long way to attend). -S.C.

I invited you
Is saying goodbye so hard?
Ungrateful bastard

Waitresses Who Ask if I Want Change

My pet peeve is a waitress/waiter asking me, "You want change?" when I am paying my bill. -M.P.G.

She asks, "you want change?"
Oh no - take my whole wallet
You're in my will too.

Stores with Entrance on the Wrong Side

I get annoyed with stores that have their entrance and exit doors on the wrong side. Is it or is it not customary that you enter on the right and exit on the left... or am I simply insane? - L.W.

Enter left, right, out
It must be opposite day
In through the out door

Faux Friends

Why is it so hard to spot faux friends? I cringe when I hear someone being fooled by an imitator say "I ran into so and so the other day, she/he is soooo nice...don't you just love them" And I internally think yes, upon first meeting, they seem lovely really they're the opposite. As an authentically nice person, I am offended by bad knock-offs.

Yes, she does seem nice
But really she's a shithead
With time, you will see.

Salty Dinners Leave Me Thirsty and Bloated

Would you please write me a haiku? I have had a very salty dinner at a restaurant and now I am insatiably thirsty and feel like a giant water balloon. Woe. -M.E.

Bloated like a whale
And I want to shave my tongue
No more salt at night

People Who Don't Spay or Neuter Their Pet

I don't understand people who have a dog or a cat and they let them have pups/kittens when the shelters are overrun with animals that can't find homes. It's cruel and stupid.

Dogs would wear condoms
If dog condoms existed
Dogs are smart, you're not.