Clerks and Baggers Who Discuss Every Item I Buy

when you are in the check out line at a grocery store and the person checking your groceries out and the person bagging them pick up your food items and discuss them and then will even ask YOU questions about your choice for instance...is this good? NOOO..I buy it b/c it is horrible.

The clerk and bagger assess what I buy
Do you like these tampons? Really? But why?
Each item's reviewed
Discussed as it's queued
Now on, self-checkout, where no one will pry.

Market Clerks Who Ask if I Found Everything but don't Help

When checking out at the supermarket the clerk asks "did you find everything you were looking for?" If the response is "no I couldn't find any..." I am greeted with a blank stare. What do you say dervish?

If you can't assist, then why have you asked?
Your indifference is not at all masked
I need granules of kelp
And you are no help
What's in that cash drawer, dumb juice in a flask?