Delivery Drivers Who Make Excuses and Don't Deliver

Certain unnamed delivery drivers (in their cute little brown outfits) decide not to deliver your package on time and have the audacity so make up excuses (no one home or signature required) when you are waiting and tracking online.

You said you'd deliver 'tween nine and three
But I know now that was not to be
I tracked it online
Should have arrived fine
I'll tell you what brown can do for me.

People Who Mumble

people who mumble, especially those with low, breathy voices who are being interviewed on the radio. I crank it 'til it rattles my speakers straining to make out the words, and when the host's normal voice comes on I jump out of my skin and swerve off the road. SGM

You whisper, why do you talk this way?
When you speak I don't know what you say
You want to be heard?
Don't peep like a bird
If this were a game I'd call fowl play

People Who Talk on Phone in Public Place

People who talk on their cell phones when they're being waited on at a store, restaurant, etc. So rude! -BW

You're rung up, but you missed what she said
Because you yak on your phone instead
We all roll our eyes
Silently chastise
Imagine phone whooped up side your head

Liquid Soap is Everywhere - I Want Bar Soap!

The sight of an honest bar of Ivory, Dial, Irish Spring, or Lava by a kitchen, powder room or basement sink delights me because I know there a proper lather awaits my filthy paws. Alas! Liquid soap has come to replace the soap dish at most sinks. Liquid soap with its noxious scents, its anti-bacterial-ness and its industrial non-communitarian feel make me yearn for a simpler time.

Though the liquid form has lots of fans
I prefer bar soap to clean my hands
I am incensed
With soap, dispensed
It's just no good, and I've tried all brands

Those Who Take an Hour to Tell a Five-Minute Story

A pet peeve of mine is when people take an hour to tell a story that could have been told in 5 minutes. Just get to your point!

I fear my life will come to an end
Before your story does, my dear friend
My attention's gone
I'm drooled upon
The interest you see is just pretend

Obnoxious TV Sets in Restaurants

Why do restaurants put obnoxious daytime television (the kind with people yelling and obscenities bleeped out) on in the dining area and consider it atmosphere? It's horrendous.

My meal is now spoiled
Soaps, dopes, and ads while I eat
Is this Dish TV?

NPR's Filler Music is Louder Than the Voices

Why is the filler music on NPR always so much louder than the voices? I have to turn my radio down every time they put in 15 seconds of music and then turn it up again once somebody starts talking again. Aren't radio people supposed to know about volume? A haiku please.

All things considered
Volume on NPR stinks
Car Talk is good though

Supermarket Scanners are Often Incorrect

Supermarket scanners that scan in an incorrect price are a real peeve. Can all these errors really be errors? CW

The price rang up wrong
The price tag says something else
Electronic thief

People Who Say "You Know" All the Time

Dervish, it drives me wild when people pepper their conversation with "you know." It's so...you know.

I wouldn't buy if you tried to sell me
What you lack is vocabulary
Your speech pattern blows
These constant "you knows"
No, I don't know, why don't you tell me?

Junk Mail is a Nuisance and Wastes Trees

junk mail is such a nuisance. please help save the trees.

I really like trees
Without them we would all die
Your junk mail kills us