My Husband Frequently Brings Fattening Cheese Home

My husband keeps buying delicious cheese and bringing it into the house. He knows I have no willpower. Damn him and his scrumptious dairy products.

Look at me hon, I'm down on my knees
I beg that you stop bringing home cheese
When it's in the house
I'm like a fat mouse
Soon, you'll have lots more of me to squeeze

People Who Ask "Have You Lost Weight?"

Wording Dervish, Why do people think saying, "Have you lost weight?" is a compliment? All is says to me is that I'm fat and that they notice. Would you please write me an appropriate haiku? Thank you, WD. M. C. Fatass

For you, M.C.F. (I'm sure they meant that you looked good)

Now I think I'm fat.
Was I a lardass before?
I look good. Say it.