Clerks Pushing Store Credit Cards to Save 10%

PLEASE, Dervish! I can't go shopping without some idiot asking me if I want to open a credit card with their store. I don't. You're ruining our economy. Yes, I'll forego the 10% savings on my $35 purchase. I've already swiped my debit card.

I don't need your card
I could buy and sell you, bitch
Give me some credit

People Who Say "Think Outside the Box"

i'm quite tired of hearing about the "box"- thinking outside of it, being in it, etc....fuck the "box"! the box is a box! - R

omg, R, that is one of my biggest peeves too! this will be fun.

"Think outside the box?"
Obviously you do not
Because you say that

The Use of Qualified Superlatives

Dammit, Dervish! The use of the qualified superlative makes me see red; there can be only *one* best or greatest. Why do people neglect the comparative form of adjectives in favor of some mealy-mouthed qualified superlative. Muhammad Ali suggested that he was *the greatest*, and he was right. Make the statement, sin boldly, use the comparative form or just STFU. - B

Why, B, this is one of the most interesting peeves I've seen!

There can only be one that's best
I don't care about all of the rest
Please don't qualify
Your words just don't fly
Be bold, stand firm, inflate chest.

Customer Service People Who Are Rude/Entitled

customer service in retail, restaurants, wherever, has never been at such an all time low. employees act like they are being troubled just to do the job they were hired to do. i rarely hear any greeting or acknowledgment of my presence, let alone a thank you, although sometimes a gutteral grunt seems to suffice. what is going on? i am their paycheck and yet the sense of entitlement is off the charts!

I've totally had it with clerks
They're often rude and act like jerks
Without me, you've no job
You entitled snob
What you do is not even real work

Old People Who Think They Can Be Mean

I would like to see a haiku or limerick (your choice) about old people who seem to get away with being mean just because they are old. Thank you so much. I look forward to your response. With much admiration, TNT

Yes, you're old, but still
You don't have to be so mean
Prune juice won't catch flies

People Who Say "Pulling the Trigger"

I hear people everywhere talk about ‘pulling the trigger’ on this or that decision. Is this vigilante chic? It’s making me a-scared. A limerick would put me at ease.

"Pull the trigger" is what some people say
This phrase is violent and to me not okay
It sounds so dramatic
Semi-automatic
Just say "let's do it" and be on your way.

The Letter e or i in Front of Words Denoting "Internet"

ive had it with the letter e or the letter i placed in front of any ole word, its all so meaningless, i am peeved and i mean it....cheers to you dervish

No more e's and i's
iPod, eHarmony, ugh
Why this vowel movement?

Everyone's Asleep But Me

I hate it when I lie awake at night for no apparent reason and I just cannot fall asleep.

Why can't I just sleep
My eyes will sting all day now
Tonight Ambien

Men Who Wear Too Much Cologne

Why must men put on so much nasty cologne? It makes me want to gag. Help me, Dervish.

There's a man who reeks of cologne
He must think he's Sylvester Stallone
Don't know what he thinks
But man he sure stinks
There's a reason that he is alone

Saying Please and Thank You

dear dervish, i don't regard myself as miss manners, but can i get a poem for please and thank you? they go a long way... towards making me not want to kick your ass!

There are some who aren't polite
Please and thank you are nowhere in sight
Raised in a barnyard?
Is it really that hard?
It's sad and plain rude and not right